The Princess and The Penis by RJ Silver
After reading about 14,952 romance novels, a few things become clear. No matter what the story is about--a duke, a werewolf, a football player, a Carpathian vampire, a steampunky swashbuckler, a baker, a lawyer, a candlestick maker, or even an Orca shapeshifter--the real star of the show is actually...the penis. Yes, this is in fact true. It gets tons of attention, pages and pages of highly detailed description, and often saves the day.
If you have one male hero and one female heroine, then the star is one penis. If you have a slash novel (M/M), then you've got two. If you have a kinky erotica, there could be dozens, God help us. And if you have an alien or animal breed or whatever, you might find barbs or double-headed monsters, etc etc. The sky is really the limit. And by the end of the book, you've become intimately familiar with this star...its shape, size, texture, taste and performance ability.
Now imagine that you want to write a satire about romance. Why not eliminate the middle man and get right down to business? Just make the "hero" a penis. A big ole penis who romances a princess.
Well, hell...that is the most freakin' brilliant, clever, witty, and quirky premise for a story I've read in a very long time.
Not only has RJ Silver (who is a man, by the way) come up with a fabulous premise for this story, he has executed it perfectly. This book has everything...awesome cover art (look at her face! hee hee), snappy dialogue, a kind-hearted princess who loves to cuddle her new best bud just like her pet ferret, a flabbergasted king and queen who are stymied by their daughter's new "friend," an evil underendowed villain, great sidekicks (the aunties) for even more comedic relief, and finally, a true hero....a giant penis who has been bewitched, and only a kiss can set him free. (And yes, the princess gives the giant penis a kiss! Naughty, naughty girl!).
I'm not sure what RJ Silver has in mind for an encore, but I, for one, will be reading it.
Grade: A
Delighted with this wickedly delicious satire,
Penelope
P.S. Right now the story is available for free at Goodreads!
ETA: Here is the link to RJ's website...he is hilarious...check it out!
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