Miss Penelope,
Our client has written a stunning work of epic proportions. We would like to invite you to read and review this book, with just a few conditions....
1. You must have at least 100,000 followers on your blog.
2. Your blog must have won a minimum of 386 awards.
3. Your followers must all possess a high school diploma.
4. We frown upon an abundance of curse words.
5. Blogs with half-clothed male models will not be approved.
6. We highly encourage 4 or 5 star reviews. If you grade this work below that mark, please do not expect to receive any more freebies from our publisher.
7. If you do decide to read and review this book and give it an excellent rating, we have a time-share in Bermuda that is open in the month of April.
8. Promoting this book via tweets, facebook posts, etc will result in 250 additional free ebooks being sent to your address.
9. Blogs with satirical posts mocking the publishing industry will not be approved.
10. Due to an unfortunate incident with a dachshund in our childhood, any blogs with a weenie dog mascot will not be approved.
We hope to hear from you soon,
Marketing Director for The Next Big Thing
P.S. Once you have signed the attached document in your own blood and returned it, we will send you a pdf file.
Dear Marketing Director,
Boy, oh boy. I sure hope I meet your stringent requirements. I never realized that I had to pass a strict set of criteria in order to read a book and write a review. How about I buy the book with my own money, and then I can say whatever I want to. I'm gonna pass on the freebies.
Have a nice day,
Penelope
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