Sunday, January 8, 2012

Mad Libs for Romance Reviewers and Authors




Reviewers: Are you running out of original things to say about the books you read?

Authors: Need some new insulting comments to leave after crappy reviews?

Try the New And Improved MAD LIBS FOR ROMANCE REVIEWERS AND AUTHORS!!

Reviewers: Write your reviews in a matter of seconds! Come up with concise and entertaining observations!

Authors: Crush those idiotic reviewers with your scathing comments!

Give it a try.....


Review of                        [BOOK TITLE] by                     [AUTHOR NAME]


I found the hero of this book to be a                         

  • hot alpha male with a 14-inch penis.
  • metrosexual pansy-ass.
  • brooding bastard.

The heroine of the story was                        

  • a gentle, loving sex goddess who volunteered in a homeless shelter.
  • a skanky ho-bag.
  • a were-unicorn.

This book was a                       

  • fantastic mix of hot, sweaty sex and love-at-first-sight.
  • deranged sex fantasy, clearly thought up by a 13 year old boy.
  • DIK, if Hugh Jackman lived on the island and liked role play.

The sex scenes made me want to                    
  • join a convent.
  • hurl.
  • get it on with my next-door neighbor. And he's not even that cute. Seriously!

Overall, I thought the book was                       

  • the greatest piece of literature since Moby Dick.
  • a piece o' shite.
  • meh.

Rating                     

  • 5 sparkling stars.
  • 2 pathetic bookworms.
  • 4 hearts filled with unicorns and rainbows and glitter and Cabbage Patch dolls.


Initial Authors' Comments                     

  • Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my book.
  • Bite me.
  • Do you have a high school diploma? Just checking.


In Response To Reviewer Outrage                         

  • Why don't you try writing a book? F*ckwad.
  • Do you know that I'm dying of a terminal disease? I only have 2 months to live.
  • You obviously don't get the underlying important themes of Phantom Menace and its ramifications in modern-day society.

After Rabid Blogger Fan Girl Posse Attacks                         

  • Let me guess....your favorite TV show is Jersey Shore? Am I right?
  • If this book was too hard for you to understand, maybe you should try something a little bit easier. Like the Sunday comics.
  • Does it make you feel good to disparage someone's life work? I spent YEARS on this book. What have you done lately? No, writing a shopping list for Claire's doesn't count. 

Final Wrap-Up For Reviewers                        
  • Add author to SUPER DOUCHE-BAG; NEVER BUY LIST.
  • Delete blog post.
  • Get banned from Goodreads for all of eternity and beyond.

Final Wrap-Up For Authors                            
  • Delete Twitter Account.
  • Send half-hearted apology to all involved.
  • Adopt a new identity and flee to Costa Rica.
Authors: Act now, and we'll throw in a new passport and over-sized sunglasses for identity protection!
Get your MAD LIBS FOR ROMANCE REVIEWERS AND AUTHORS today!

Penny